I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize