It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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