i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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