btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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