My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Congratulations! We have a period
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