dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
