i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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