He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
