none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
