I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
