Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
