I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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