Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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