i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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