when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
