It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
