He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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