She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
