sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
