i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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