WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
