i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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