We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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