did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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