it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
