the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
