alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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