It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
