I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
