Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
