you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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