I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize