Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
