i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I met the friendliest cop last night
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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