sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i think im in europe. pls send help
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
