If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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