you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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