How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
