I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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