What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
