yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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