am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
