there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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