I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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