sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
