based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
