Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
