i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Randomize
