I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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