I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
