His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
