dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
