Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
