We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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