and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
