i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
now i know why i became what i already was.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
