I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Michael Bay diarrhea
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
