who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
