My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
