Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
