Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
