I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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