I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
