Im at strip club and am horny
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
