it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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