There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
