If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
