AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
