...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
