You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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