therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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