3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
