Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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