why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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