in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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