i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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