I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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