And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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