Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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