69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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