hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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